Will the kids be more screwed up if we stay together?

Besides pondering what will happen to our own sanity when staying in an unhappy or unstable relationship, we can’t help wonder how our choices will affect the kids.

Will the kids be more screwed up if we stay together or if we separate? Which outcome will be the least difficult (for everybody)?

Drew Barrymore’s recent announcement on her divorce has sparked a controversy in the dialogue we’re having as a society when it comes to marriage.

The underlying question: Is it selfish to end the marriage?

Well, I guess that depends on who’s judging. Then again, who is allowed to judge?

There is an easy way to figure out if it’s time to leave—that relationship scientists use. 

It explains:

  • Why some people stay in unhappy relationships and how others make the choices to leave.
  • The only questions you need to ask to see if there is any hope.
  • When it’s just NOT worth it.
  • Life-and-death matters before moving onto the next relationship
  • What to do if you’re relationship is going through the usual wear-and-tear.

Not all marriages are meant to be, and not all divorces are meant to be. (Tweet that!)

When you know the decision you want to make, talk with your kids and allow them to share their feelings and process it with you.

Personally, I benefited from my parents’ divorce on an emotional level because there wasn’t any more drama or feelings of fear being sparked up randomly and consistently.

But, of the many people we’ve worked with, there are adult children that are resentful because they didn’t see it coming. According to them, their parents had never fought, so the divorce hit them out of nowhere. Although one parent wanted to make it work, the other was checked out and a chronic cheater.

Some spouses look the other way for the sake of their children, but are we teaching our children to tolerate a relationship where they’re treated less than?

Other parents go through difficult struggles and show their children the process of forgiveness, but it does involve both parents to get on board in providing their children a stable home life.

If one person is not interested in making things better and building the relationship up instead of tearing it down, then it can be a long struggle for their partner. It might be too much weight on their shoulders.

That’s why it’s important to determine when it’s simply not worth it.

This is a very personal struggle and life choice. We all know heartbreak too well. The good news is we are more resilient than we realize. We can get back up and so can our children.

I leave you with a quote from one of the leading researchers in happiness:

Recent research reveals that people who have experienced some adversity (for example, several negative events of life-changing moments) are ultimately happier (and less distressed, traumatized, stressed or impaired) than those who have experienced no adversity at all.”  —Sonja Lyubomirsky (author of The Myths of Happiness)

We’d like to hear from you!

Do you think divorce is necessary … sometimes?




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