What you say to your partner: Naughty or Nice?

What’s your secretly favorite insult that gives you goosebumps and a surge of adrenaline? Mine is from a favorite film, can you guess it? “You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin’ paramecium brain, munchin’ on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!” If I had my own list to check twice, I would put Robin Williams on the Nice list, wouldn’t you? Probably because it’s seems so satisfying to see his character release pent-up anger in a boyish, creative way and finally participating at the level of the lost boys. Forgetting about being an intolerable adult. And we all get that craving of just wanting to behave like a wild lost child because adulthood is a bit of a truckload of responsibilities. So guess what? It’s not totally detrimental to be a bit naughty with what you say to your partner.  Let’s be honest, we’re not always nice to each other. We get defensive. We get annoyed. And we get restless. We won’t always be nice but we can be at crucial times and topics. There are things that will be said and done, but there are things that you say that can’t be undone. Now don’t fret over a curse word—it can be......

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How to be supportive and show you care

How do you show you care? Is it with simple gestures, a small gift, or picking up the phone every time your partner calls? To be considered dependable, a source of support, and someone to trust, you’re probably already offering all these things—or almost all of them. Relationship science has found 5 behaviors that show you care in any relationship (with your partner, your friends, your relatives, your children, etc.).   Respect As Frei & Shaver found in their research, a partner worthy of respect is someone who possesses moral qualities, consideration for others, acceptance of others, honesty, and willingness to listen to others.   Trust Relationship science says we trust those who we confidently believe to have our best interests at heart. Although this takes time, it happens when someone is consistently attentive to our wishes and is reliably unselfish towards our needs.   Capitalization A good friend will be excited for us when we share our good news. It’s more celebratory than the usual “congratulations” from a co-worker or your facebook friends scrolling past your good news. Someone who cares about us will show genuine delight at our good fortune.   Social Support Emotional support: affectionate, acceptance,......

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Are you lovable?
Love, Myths, Personal Growth |
November 17, 2017

Are you lovable?

“Are you lovable?” That is what the therapist asked when a wife was complaining about her husband in a group class. We weren’t there undercover as a distressed couple, but for volunteer training.  He then mentioned the time he told his wife he loved her, but wasn’t IN love with her. He said she responded with a confident smile and said, “we’ll see about that.” He confessed it was very attractive. It made us think: if you are consistently spewing toxic waste from your mouth and behavior how does that promote a loving relationship between two people? What would you say if a stranger were to ask you: “are you lovable?” Of course, we all say YES if we were to be asked this. And then we might pause and hope lovable doesn’t mean perfect. Sure, we might give a little shrug about our mistakes, but conclude, we are one of the most lovable people on earth. “No one is as lovable as me!” we exclaim. And as a lovable person, we might have complaints—because we are SO DARN LOVABLE—about anything unfair. We have to point out when our partner isn’t meeting their end of the deal. It’s not like......

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3 behaviors that frighten love away, based on relationship science

If you feel pushed away, ya might want to send this link to your partner to drop a hint. Or if you feel frustrated or distant  this may explain why. As for the lovebirds, this blog helps you confirm what you’re doing right. But for everyone this is mainly to learn how to avoid the very things that frighten love away.  It can be terrifying to enter a relationship in hopes it ends well. As you know, starting a relationship requires a lot of risk. Of course, you earn trust with time, but you do have to take risks along the way and test to see if this is a relationship you want to continue, or if this person is right for you as a spouse. We’re baffled when it doesn’t work out, or we assume we know exactly the reason and avoid that in the next relationship to then see it happen all over again. Regardless if you’ve been single several times or you’ve been with your partner several years, there will be times you feel unloved. The moments of despair. Or moments you want to trash the coldness and just feel close and connect. It’s been said......

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How fast should a relationship problem be fixed?

How fast should a relationship problem be fixed? How long should it take to solve a problem between a couple? Or, when going through a rough patch, how fast should your relationship recover? It’s 3am and nothing is resolved. Your tired. Angry. Possibly hungry. Your mouth is now dry. And you’re probably raging inside feeling unloved or so sick of staying up you can’t hold your head up and just want to be left alone. Now, logically, it depends how big or small your problem is. If it’s tiny, like a 1, on a scale of 0-10 (0 being not bothered, and 10 being the worst thing that could happen in your relationship), then 1 is an easy problem to fix. You’ve probably already figured out a way to solve it by the end of this sentence. But if it’s more than a 3, you might be thinking, “How do I get rid of this issue? Yesterday?!?!” Don’t feel wrong in any way if you feel like you’re problems seem to be recurring. That’s the main question we get: how do I get this problem to stop happening over and over again? Even more so, how long will this take?......

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