Love: The irresistible desire to be irrisistably desired. Mark Twain
What does love mean to you?
When you think of love, are you thinking of your career, your children, your partner, your parents, your siblings, your past love, or yourself?
Who are we, if not measured by our impact on others? That’s who we are! We’re not who we say we are, we’re not who we want to be—we are the sum of the influence and impact that we have, in our lives, on others. Neil Degrasse Tyson
We impact and influence our relationships, for better or worse.
To our benefit or our detriment.
There are dreams or interests we may hope to materialize.
I want to feel loved. I want a job I love. I want her to call me. I want him to thank me. I want my parents to support my decision. I want my children to respect me. I want to get back at this person who hurt me. I want my partner to be loyal to me. I want myself to feel happy.
Every relationship we have, with others and ourselves, is part of how we influence and impact each other and how our needs and wishes guides us to interact.
Our needs and wishes may not be fully clear to ourselves, but as they reveal themselves, we can answer why we’re in a relationship with this person.
No one is dumb who is curious. The people that don’t ask questions remain clueless throughout their lives. Neil Degrasse Tyson
Do we ask, what makes us happy?
Do we ask, what makes us unhappy?
Do we admit, what makes us happy and unhappy to the person who should know?
Those who fall in love with practice without science are like a sailor who enters a ship without a help or a compass, and who never can be certain whither he is going. Leonardo da Vinci
Letting things flow, or figuring things out as you go, is far more challenging and stressful than knowing what to do ahead of difficult times, or when your partner doesn’t respond to you the way you want them to.
Learning about our imperfections and how, we as humans, can grow precisely because of our imperfections, not in spite of them, eases the stress, and makes life much more easier.
The imperfections in our relationships, not only make them unique and special, but meaningful and real.
It’s not plastic and perfect. It’s real. It’s human. It’s life.
It’s the mistakes we need to make in order to grow and learn.
A person who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. Albert Einstein
We would inhibit ourselves and limit our happiness when we avoid challenges.
Yes, some challenges are excruciatingly hard to overcome.
Some aren’t so much.
But which ones hold the most value to you.
What challenge do you want to overcome. Where are you trying to reach?
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Thomas Edison
A good amount of divorced couples regret not trying harder.
Although some must end in divorce, not at all need be.
This is not to say, stay victimized in any relationship you may have. That’s not real love.
Real love has imperfections.
But on the whole:
-accepts you for who you are
-loves all of you
-doesn’t put restrictions or conditions, like depending it on how much money you earn
-accepts your mistakes and your past—and wants to see you grow
This love is real and still faces challenges and problems. When it’s buried underneath problems, doesn’t mean there isn’t love.
If the relationship holds some worth to you, then perhaps consider doing things you’ve never done before.
Let’s admit, change is hard.
It’s uncomfortable, too much work, and gets in the way of a good time—sometimes.
Making things better requires change.
Making things stable requires change.
Making things more fulfilling requires change.
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates
When you think of yourself being loved, how would you like it best?
Would you mind be loved partially, maybe just on the weekends? Or wholly, as you are as a person? Entirely you?
What are your needs?
What makes you feel fully loved? What makes you feel deprived of it?
As humans, our feelings come and change and we are to understand ourselves to be able to advocate for ourselves.
Share with your partner how it is that you feel loved and unloved.
Ask them how they feel loved and unloved.
Use your curious nature to understand where they are coming from and to be able to assure them you deeply care for them.
How do they know you do? Ask them.
Ask, what lets you know I care for you?
Love is special. Love is meaningful because the people we love make it meaningful. Love is our human nature.
October 14, 2017
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