How to Revive a Dead Relationship… In Minutes
Sometimes the simplest things are the ones that produce more value. When we overcomplicate our lives we succeed in feeling overwhelmed and that won’t necessarily spark any fresh adventure, passionate connection, or relaxing massages on a sunny beach.
I do have one big question for you. How do you feel alive?
Speaking in general terms, how do you feel alive in life? What do you like to do that lifts your mood? What are things that make you feel happy?
Within any relationship, we first must make ourselves happy before we can search happiness within a romantic relationship.
But let’s dive into what will make a relationship come alive, when you know how to make yourself happy—these only take a few minutes to do.
1. Celebrate Good News Genuinely, No Matter How Small.
Scientists have revealed the secret to building strong relationships, not just with your partner. The scientific term is Active Constructive Responding (ACR). It’s so valuable and proven to work, it’s even taught in the U.S. Army and eHarmony.
The point is to engage with positive and genuine interest when the other person shares good news or a recent success. The relationship grows closer when you show support and are genuinely happy for them. If you already are genuinely happy for them, let them know, don’t keep it to yourself.
The celebration is in the response. Are you changing the subject? Are you talking about yourself? Do you try to match their enthusiasm? Do you ask them to tell you what happen, how happened, and more? Do you say “I’m so happy for you?” Do you just passively say “good for you” without any happiness or enthusiasm for them? Do you react pessimistically or with a negative reaction?
Can it really be this simple? Yes!
Research says that the couples that regularly celebrate each other’s good news, especially the small ones, stay married longer than those who don’t. Friendships are solidified with this easy practice. In fact, dating couples fall in love faster when they do this for each other.
2. Expressing Gratitude Intensifies Love
Why is gratitude so important?
Health wise, you feel less stress, you get better sleep, and your immune system gets stronger.
But feeling it is not enough! Actively sharing your gratitude to the lucky person makes you feel happier for the next 24 hours, and they feel more inclined to do it again and be their best selves.
The greatest ways to express it is to describe specifically how they benefited you (keeping a secret for you), and then acknowledge the hard work or effort they did, and finally, point out what is generally good about them related to this act of kindness (their integrity).
You are now killer at expressing gratitude.
3. Ask The Question.
Not the “will you marry me?” question, but the “what’s your biggest dream?” question.
We all want a purpose in life, and if you want to connect with your partner in a few minutes, the fastest question to evoke relief and a response with “I thought you’d never ask” is one that will show your interest and support in their dreams.
The happiest couples connect through knowing each other more, because knowing the details about each other is what strengthens us to overcome conflict and stress as a couple—or as a team.
The more you know about your partner, the deeper your connection. And the most important thing to know about your partner is their life aspirations. If you don’t know that yet, you know what to discuss over dinner tonight.
It would be even better if you encouraged steps to achieve their dreams. Then you would be able to celebrate each step of the way that they progress towards their goal.
It doesn’t matter at what stage in life you are at as a couple, connection and acceptance is a universal need. Now we know, that our health and happiness improves when we act upon them.
June 09, 2017
May 12, 2017