Sometimes a dark day is upon us and all we want to do is hide in a hole or run as fast as we can away from this pain.
This heartbreak we feel, may seem difficult to remedy or get rid of.
Maybe you felt betrayed, experienced a big loss, or like you’ve failed in something important to you and now you want to cure this heavy heart breaking in your chest.
Today, may not feel like a day of hope or of possibly living without this burden.
Tomorrow may not feel close enough to reach a time of knowing this moment is in the past, or tomorrow doesn’t seem worth the trouble and the struggle.
We get that.
Some days are difficult.
And the pain can be carried onto months and even years. Give yourself this time to process your current state. When you do that, the poison won’t live long.
Feelings drift and change. They are momentary.
The anger or sadness you feel may settle into a different feeling. But your mind will remember wisely, and possibly grow. You might change your opinion about someone and learn your lesson or never forget the loss you had to accept.
Some pain might not completely go away.
That’s the harshness of some struggles that tear us down.
A parent whose survived their child will always feel loss. A child that didn’t want their parents divorce may always feel some sadness in remembering.
This article isn’t a “don’t worry the sun will shine tomorrow” message.
It’s an article meant to be with you in your moment of despair, when you feel all is lost, and to validate what you’re going through.
What you feel in this moment doesn’t have to be changed, suppressed, or used as ammunition.
Process your feelings in the best way you can.
Write it down. Talk it out. Cry it out.
Find the safest and least destructive way (towards you and others) to process the feelings of fear, worry, anger, disappointment, guild, and sadness.
When you write it down, be as brutally honest as you want, but don’t share the letter to your target of anger unfiltered—they may react, then again, some people need to hear it straight otherwise they think it’s not a “big deal.”
Remember, you’re under no obligation to send any letter.
It’s a means to purge your pent-up feelings uncensored but also without later regretting what you say. It’s in your own privacy.
When you talk it out with someone, try to use the space to explore all the feelings that are exploding inside of you. If it’s an incident, unpack the underlining reasons that triggered your upset feeling.
Here are 3 steps you can take now to remedy your heartbreak:
1. Say your feelings out loud
The satisfaction: When someone helps you label the emotions you’re feeling, you no longer have to act out what it is you’re feeling, or let it build inside, when your feelings have been clearly acknowledged. You don’t have to be passive-aggressive, sarcastic, or bitter. Labeling emotions disarms you and instead of strengthens you. How? Your brain. Read on. It’s an itch you can scratch.
The science: At UCLA’s Social Cognitive Neuroscience Lab, scientists found “saying” our feelings reduces our anger and sadness. The amygdala, which is the alarm to trigger “fight or flight,” calmed down after participants put feelings into words.
Download a copy of all the feelings and emotions you could be possibly feeling right, by clicking here or the image on the side. (Check your spam after you sign up to get it.)
2. Answer this question honestly: Why is this issue important to you?
The satisfaction: Don’t you hate beating around the bush. I’m sure you’ve looked back at times when you were upset, or were unhappy for some strange reason, but later realized after self-reflecting or some time, what was really bothering you. It wasn’t what was obvious, but something deep down inside that means something to you specifically.
The science: Research has said that when we a truly honest, and crystal clear about why an issue is important, it becomes easier to face it. Understanding our own personal reasons, makes it easier for us to articulate what we need. Depending on the issue, we may need to confront with problem-solving skills, or we may need to learn how to cope if it’s something that can’t be changed like the death of a loved one.
3. List some ways that you would feel better. Be as specific and detailed as possible.
The satisfaction: It’s super-duper easy to complain and blame. Maybe avoid acting or making a choice, because staying on the fence protects you from guilt or shame, and that way you can just blame someone else. Of course, depending on the issue. But we usually get stuck swirling in our own sour soup. Whether we hope things were different, or someone should lend us a hand, we can let ourselves fall deeper into despair, and fail to see the small windows of opportunities to get out.
The science: This is called Rumination. It’s reliving the regrettable incident or memory. Although some people do it to gain insight into their problems, it only makes you feel worse. It prevents you from solving your problems, worsens your sadness or anger, convinces you to have a pessimistic outlook on your life, kills your motivation and gets rid of your concentration. It’s a big party-pooper! Creating a list will help you refocus on your needs so you can get them met, and so you can cope with your current heartbreak.
Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health, your financial health, and your leisure time. I would go as far as saying more important than all of them put together. And yet we fail as a world to emphasize that care for our emotional well-being, that we scatter our energy on less valuable things.
If we pay attention to our emotional well-being, it will feel less draining and overwhelming in the long run. We won’t need to find distractions from our pain, because we’ll feel much more comfortable to nurture ourselves.
Here’s a video of the Royal Family discussing what emotional and mental health mean personally to them.
May 12, 2017