Personal Growth


Are you lovable?

Are you lovable?

“Are you lovable?” That is what the therapist asked when a wife was complaining about her husband in a group class. We weren’t there undercover as a distressed couple, but for volunteer training.  He then mentioned the time he told his wife he loved her, but wasn’t IN love with her. He said she responded with a confident smile and said, “we’ll see about that.” He confessed it was very attractive. It made us think: if you are consistently spewing toxic waste from your mouth and behavior how does that promote a loving relationship between two people? What would you say if a stranger were to ask you: “are you lovable?” Of course, we all say YES if we were to be asked this. And then we might pause and hope lovable doesn’t mean perfect. Sure, we might give a little shrug about our mistakes, but conclude, we are one...

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Do I Expect Too Much From My Partner?

Do I Expect Too Much From My Partner?

At some point in our relationship we ask ourselves: Do I expect too much from my partner? We all wish to have a manual clearly saying what is asking for too much and what is reasonable. There are things you should and shouldn’t expect from your partner. And it’s vital to know the difference; because it can really raise the bar in your relationship and happiness, or deplete whatever love or joy is left.   First, answer this: are the following myths or truths? —You shouldn’t expect your partner to be your friend. —You shouldn’t expect passion in your relationship if you have a friendship. —Your relationship/marriage is not a place to self-actualize or become the person you want to be. You may have read some articles, especially recently, saying one of these or some sort of combination of these statements. The message is that “enough is never enough,” and...

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Are you too passive?

Are you too passive?

How do you know if you’re too passive? Whether you avoid rocking the boat or are tired of bringing up an issue because of a stubborn partner, it’s fair that there are issues you try to roll off your shoulders—in hopes they will go away on their own or time will resolve them. But if you aren’t passive, what’s the alternative? Passive aggressiveness? Nagging? Vicious arguments? How can you tactfully stand up for yourself, get your needs met, be assertive, and still be respectful? In today’s video I share what it takes. It sounds straightforward, because it is—you don’t need extra bells and whistles to say what you need. But you may be asking yourself: why does it matter? “Why should I care to be less passive?” The most obvious reasons are: • You’re partner doesn’t have a clue of what’s bothering you, therefore will most likely do it...

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2 Ways To Release Or Avoid Pent Up Anger

2 Ways To Release Or Avoid Pent Up Anger

Don’t worry. These are ridiculously simple ways to release anger. This video explains the consequences of when we stuff our anger and when we release it destructively. Which most of us know how to do well. It’s uncommon to know how to release anger without attacking or belittling others, especially our partner. Then we feel guilty or worse after. And there’s no reason for that. At least rarely. Watch the video if you also want to know how you can create the next Lamborghini, see if Anger Rooms are right for you, know if Yoga or taking a walk is even helpful when steamed, or if the “avengement” you’ve been plotting is in fact Jedi-style heroism. (If you haven’t seen Star Wars—I actually have met people that haven’t—the “dark side” is after revenge, and the jedis are heros after justice (fighting the dark side). As if you didn’t know.) Why...

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Heartbreak Remedy: When Feeling Disillusioned

Heartbreak Remedy: When Feeling Disillusioned

  Sometimes a dark day is upon us and all we want to do is hide in a hole or run as fast as we can away from this pain. This heartbreak we feel, may seem difficult to remedy or get rid of. Maybe you felt betrayed, experienced a big loss, or like you’ve failed in something important to you and now you want to cure this heavy heart breaking in your chest. Today, may not feel like a day of hope or of possibly living without this burden. Tomorrow may not feel close enough to reach a time of knowing this moment is in the past, or tomorrow doesn’t seem worth the trouble and the struggle. We get that. Some days are difficult. And the pain can be carried onto months and even years. Give yourself this time to process your current state. When you do that, the poison won’t...

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We never forget when others hurt us—and why that's a good thing

We never forget when others hurt us—and why that’s a good thing

  We won’t forget the hurtful things. That’s our human blessing. If we were to forget it would be the same as walking up to a rattle snake in the wild and petting it. Being completely abset-minded of the pain we’re deliberately walking into. Our memory lets us know this, whatever this is, is not safe. The fear has been our alarm to survive and avoid physical danger. Today, we don’t find ourselves physically running away from danger, but emotionally we are. It’s healthy to be aware and identify what’s simply not safe. But it’s unhealthy for our bodies to consume our fear. Sometimes, we have to be in incredibly difficult situations where we feel uncomfortable, betrayed, belittled, ostracized, or bullied. We are forced to a certain point. This bodily reaction is telling us to run, but we can’t. But we can gently leave these scenarios without causing more...

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Experiencing Meaningless Happiness? Do this instead.

Experiencing Meaningless Happiness? Do this instead.

Are you experiencing meaningless happiness? Remember thinking “I will be happy when ____.” Then it happens, and after some time, or sometimes even immediately, it’s not as fulfilling. Meaningless happiness is what you feel when what you thought what would make you happy, actually doesn’t. Maybe we’ve won a Grammy, had a makeover, hit the jackpot, bought a house, got engaged, lost our virginity, finally stopped biting our nails, and lost some weight to then find something else we need. All because we thought, “If only I were rich/famous/fit/the boss/engaged/homeowner, I would be happy.” If only. What’s your “if only” that you’re thinking about now? According to the happiness gurus in positive psychology, all that “if only” amount to 10% of our happiness. The good news, we have control of our happiness, 40% of it to be exact. Doctor Sonja Lyubomirsky and her collegues at the University of California, Riverside found...

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Resolutions: 2 steps to complete with less stress

Resolutions: 2 steps to complete with less stress

Welcome to 2017 darling. Hope you’ve concluded last year’s chapter and holiday season with a celebratory embrace. I kept busy with family in town and caught a cold at the end of it. It doesn’t feel good to vacation with a fever and an achy body. I enjoyed what I could at the end, but I mostly cared about sleep. Now the house is empty and I feel better—I was afraid of that. Alfred and I are rolling out a new program FREE, but before I give you the details we want to share the only new year’s resolution you’ll need this year. Because here’s the truth… Ambitious people can take on too much and then feel like their goals weren’t reached. It’s easy to spread ourselves thin when we have lots of hopes and dreams and goals we want to accomplish. And let’s face it… 40% of resolution makers don’t...

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