Love


Are you lovable?

Are you lovable?

“Are you lovable?” That is what the therapist asked when a wife was complaining about her husband in a group class. We weren’t there undercover as a distressed couple, but for volunteer training.  He then mentioned the time he told his wife he loved her, but wasn’t IN love with her. He said she responded with a confident smile and said, “we’ll see about that.” He confessed it was very attractive. It made us think: if you are consistently spewing toxic waste from your mouth and behavior how does that promote a loving relationship between two people? What would you say if a stranger were to ask you: “are you lovable?” Of course, we all say YES if we were to be asked this. And then we might pause and hope lovable doesn’t mean perfect. Sure, we might give a little shrug about our mistakes, but conclude, we are one...

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3 behaviors that frighten love away, based on relationship science

3 behaviors that frighten love away, based on relationship science

If you feel pushed away, ya might want to send this link to your partner to drop a hint. Or if you feel frustrated or distant  this may explain why. As for the lovebirds, this blog helps you confirm what you’re doing right. But for everyone this is mainly to learn how to avoid the very things that frighten love away.  It can be terrifying to enter a relationship in hopes it ends well. As you know, starting a relationship requires a lot of risk. Of course, you earn trust with time, but you do have to take risks along the way and test to see if this is a relationship you want to continue, or if this person is right for you as a spouse. We’re baffled when it doesn’t work out, or we assume we know exactly the reason and avoid that in the next relationship to...

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How fast should a relationship problem be fixed?

How fast should a relationship problem be fixed?

How fast should a relationship problem be fixed? How long should it take to solve a problem between a couple? Or, when going through a rough patch, how fast should your relationship recover? It’s 3am and nothing is resolved. Your tired. Angry. Possibly hungry. Your mouth is now dry. And you’re probably raging inside feeling unloved or so sick of staying up you can’t hold your head up and just want to be left alone. Now, logically, it depends how big or small your problem is. If it’s tiny, like a 1, on a scale of 0-10 (0 being not bothered, and 10 being the worst thing that could happen in your relationship), then 1 is an easy problem to fix. You’ve probably already figured out a way to solve it by the end of this sentence. But if it’s more than a 3, you might be thinking, “How do...

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Do I Expect Too Much From My Partner?

Do I Expect Too Much From My Partner?

At some point in our relationship we ask ourselves: Do I expect too much from my partner? We all wish to have a manual clearly saying what is asking for too much and what is reasonable. There are things you should and shouldn’t expect from your partner. And it’s vital to know the difference; because it can really raise the bar in your relationship and happiness, or deplete whatever love or joy is left.   First, answer this: are the following myths or truths? —You shouldn’t expect your partner to be your friend. —You shouldn’t expect passion in your relationship if you have a friendship. —Your relationship/marriage is not a place to self-actualize or become the person you want to be. You may have read some articles, especially recently, saying one of these or some sort of combination of these statements. The message is that “enough is never enough,” and...

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What You're Really Saying When Upset

What You’re Really Saying When Upset

Has your partner been good at guessing what you’re really saying when upset, even though you may be saying or implying something different—or not as specific?     It’s true. We all hear ourselves saying something fair and reasonable, when we could be saying it better. And our partner could just be hearing an attack in a foreign language, that will trigger them to be defensive. Who in the world wants to be corrected? A simple outburst, puts us on the defense. This is our moment to stand up for ourselves, making up for all those times we didn’t. Then again, there are those times that an issue goes ignored, and an outburst, or cry for help in colorful language gets your partner’s attention and they respond, “I didn’t realize it was such a big issue for you. Now that I know, I want to do something about it.”...

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The Ideal Partner

The Ideal Partner

How do you know when someone is perfect for you? What does the ideal partner look like, sound like, act like, behave like? What makes them so irresistible you could cat-fight over them? Or gives you the will to sneekingly stage an elopment until it’s too late for them to realize they’re now trapped? So many endless qualities are blogged to identify your perfect mate, that only makes the search more dizzying. This video isn’t your typical list to check-off. As if you’re a private investigator trying to criminalize an innocent human being. It’s simpler than most people realize. It doesn’t haven’t to be overcomplicated. Knowing if someone is right for you, shouldn’t be hard. Finding them … is a different story. Who knows, you might find out your current partner might have what it takes to be ideal.     Besides feeling emotionally connected to your partner, you want...

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JK Rowling's message on donations

JK Rowling’s message on donations

  Many people might think that JK Rowling is satisfied to be an extremely successful author, but it turns out she has a real calling—a mission. JK Rowling has a message about donations. Her goal is to shut down orphanages globally by 2050. This particular interview had enlightened my ignorant self on the matter of orphanages worldwide, and how natural disaster specifically, like Hurricane Harvey at the moment, can be a big reason for children to kept in orphanages when 80% of them have parents. We loved this interview and wanted to condense it into a short version to make it more sharable. In the wake of Hurricane Harvey, please think before you donate. Inform yourself, so that your money will assist families, not tear them apart.      

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Romance without the Cheesiness

Romance without the Cheesiness

  “My partner bugs me to be more romantic, but how can I romance them without the cheesiness that I dislike so much.” To some people this may sound like an oxymoron: “Romance is cheesy,” they’ll say. Since this month, August, is Romance Awareness Month, why not shed light on this deprived ritual between some couples? Let’s start with a video. Take the quick quiz and learn the two options you have to be romantic without the cheesiness. Romance without the Cheesiness Now that you’ve watched it, let’s clarify a couple things. As I said in the video, Romance is a way to display your affection. Some sort of proof that your care and amour is still breathing and living—not dead on arrival.   If you’re the one seeking to romance without being cheesy: Find ways that you can share or show how you feel that you feel comfortable...

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Why do people fall out of love suddenly?

Why do people fall out of love suddenly?

  “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.” What’s the difference?!? Is it possible to fall out of love so suddenly or just because? Research suggests there are 3 common dangers that direct us to falling out of love. I explain in the video why that is. It’s good to know, because we don’t want our partner to stop caring about us all of sudden. It’s unstable. Plus, you can avoid it. It’s completely fair to want a loyal and loving partner that cares about your happiness.   This is our first video for Love Savvy Club! Although I’ve made some in the past, we’re bringing them back. We don’t know yet if we will post every other Friday or every month with a mix of blogs, but we do know they’ll be engaging and fun, not always the standard-advice video. In any case, you will still...

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Are regular date nights even necessary for couples?

Are regular date nights even necessary for couples?

  Say you don’t have the time or money to plan those romantic dates because last time you went to the opera by private plane with—wait, that’s Pretty Woman. In every relationship education class there is a strong encouragement for regular date nights. Some couples say they don’t miss a week. Others, ahem, a good amount, say they try once in awhile. Then there’s those who say they don’t need date nights at all. Well, what is best for you? Are you missing out on something if you changed the way you date your long-term partner?  It’s almost like the question of comparing which workout is better, high-intensity or moderate? Depends. One saves time. But why are you working out? What’s the purpose? To lose weight, be healthy, maintain your weight, build up strength?   What’s the purpose of date nights? In the field of RME (relationship and marriage educaion), we often...

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