Health


We never forget when others hurt us—and why that's a good thing

We never forget when others hurt us—and why that’s a good thing

  We won’t forget the hurtful things. That’s our human blessing. If we were to forget it would be the same as walking up to a rattle snake in the wild and petting it. Being completely abset-minded of the pain we’re deliberately walking into. Our memory lets us know this, whatever this is, is not safe. The fear has been our alarm to survive and avoid physical danger. Today, we don’t find ourselves physically running away from danger, but emotionally we are. It’s healthy to be aware and identify what’s simply not safe. But it’s unhealthy for our bodies to consume our fear. Sometimes, we have to be in incredibly difficult situations where we feel uncomfortable, betrayed, belittled, ostracized, or bullied. We are forced to a certain point. This bodily reaction is telling us to run, but we can’t. But we can gently leave these scenarios without causing more...

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How to help a friend with relationship problems

How to help a friend with relationship problems

  As human beings we need to support each other and be there for each other. Despite our differences in what makes us upset or what we truly want, we need each other to get through any setbacks or current struggles. We’re not meant to struggle on our own.  We have the power to make things worse for our friend, like upsetting them more and affecting their emotional health, or take a load off their shoulders and be by their side in whatever path they take. The last thing we want is to make things worse because of misguided advice! We don’t want to say the wrong thing, get over involved, or assume our friend has the same needs and feelings we do to then realize they got the results they didn’t want (but we would’ve wanted if we were in their shoes). The worst adivce we ever got was to...

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Experiencing Meaningless Happiness? Do this instead.

Experiencing Meaningless Happiness? Do this instead.

Are you experiencing meaningless happiness? Remember thinking “I will be happy when ____.” Then it happens, and after some time, or sometimes even immediately, it’s not as fulfilling. Meaningless happiness is what you feel when what you thought what would make you happy, actually doesn’t. Maybe we’ve won a Grammy, had a makeover, hit the jackpot, bought a house, got engaged, lost our virginity, finally stopped biting our nails, and lost some weight to then find something else we need. All because we thought, “If only I were rich/famous/fit/the boss/engaged/homeowner, I would be happy.” If only. What’s your “if only” that you’re thinking about now? According to the happiness gurus in positive psychology, all that “if only” amount to 10% of our happiness. The good news, we have control of our happiness, 40% of it to be exact. Doctor Sonja Lyubomirsky and her collegues at the University of California, Riverside found...

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Resolutions: 2 steps to complete with less stress

Resolutions: 2 steps to complete with less stress

Welcome to 2017 darling. Hope you’ve concluded last year’s chapter and holiday season with a celebratory embrace. I kept busy with family in town and caught a cold at the end of it. It doesn’t feel good to vacation with a fever and an achy body. I enjoyed what I could at the end, but I mostly cared about sleep. Now the house is empty and I feel better—I was afraid of that. Alfred and I are rolling out a new program FREE, but before I give you the details we want to share the only new year’s resolution you’ll need this year. Because here’s the truth… Ambitious people can take on too much and then feel like their goals weren’t reached. It’s easy to spread ourselves thin when we have lots of hopes and dreams and goals we want to accomplish. And let’s face it… 40% of resolution makers don’t...

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When to Give Up on A Marriage

When to Give Up on A Marriage

What are the signs? How can we tell when to give up on a marriage? There is a formula relationship scientists use to measure the “ideal time” to break-up. Let’s first look at the the interdepency theory by John Thibaut and Harold Kelley, where we compare the rewards and costs. If the costs are too high with few rewards it leads to a negative outcome and vice versa. But let’s take this further with what we expect from our relationship to determine how happy we are in the relationship right now. CL is the abbreviation for comparison level. This is based on our past experiences and is how we measure our own happiness. If the outcomes exceed our comparison level (what we’ve experienced) then we’re happy because we’re getting more than what we expect at a minimum. On the flip side, if the outcomes are below our CL, then we are not too...

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Build Intimacy: 3 Smart Connection Strategies You Should Try On For Size

Build Intimacy: 3 Smart Connection Strategies You Should Try On For Size

  For some people relationships are like wardrobes. New and exciting at first. You notice all your favorite things of this new item. It brings out your eyes. Smells fresh and new. Feels so smooth. You mix and match with accessories, makeup, handbags and nail polish. Strangers can’t resisit but to compliment you on the street. “You look good!” There comes a point in time when it’s the same ol’ thing and it’s time to get a new one. Relationships are not very different—but is it a good idea to be out with the old? Intimacy is like an ice cream sundae with all the scrumptous toppings and chocolate syrup settling at the bottom. If you just dabble at the surface you don’t get to indulge. You don’t want to treat the relationship like a wardrobe and replace when the feeling of novelty has worn off. Research has identified 3 ways to...

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How to Safely Trust Your Partner (Again)

How to Safely Trust Your Partner (Again)

Not so long ago I unveiled how not having trust for your partner can be worse than cheating—or as the Bustler interviewer wrote: The Cold Hand of Death. In truth, she’s not exaggerating. So let’s dive in on how to trust again. Avoid the Intimacy-Killer Naturally, when deprived of our needs and when we’ve lost trust for our partner, we fall into daily negative interactions where we only look out for ourselves, even if it sabbotages our partner. Dr. Gottman, a lead researcher in the field, coins this the “secret relationship killer.” We simply make a bet when we trust. We bet/hope this person won’t let us down, won’t hide things from us, won’t keep important secrets from us, won’t make false promises, and won’t coward to bad influences. I don’t know a soul that says “I don’t mind being ignored, desrespected, betrayed, and forgotten.” We want some sort...

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Why You Should Be Treated Right In Your Relationship & How To Make It Happen Today

Why You Should Be Treated Right In Your Relationship & How To Make It Happen Today

How do you get your partner to treat you right? Either you have a wish or expectation that’s clear in your mind and now it’s time to make it a reality. Because darling, we all deserve to be treated right in our relationship.   Which statement do you agree with more? A. He/She should know what I’m upset about without me having to spell it out for them. B. I feel like I can’t breath sometimes, like I’m walking on eggshells, and my partner needs to cool off before approaching me. C. I wish my partner would say “I love you” more often; he/she isn’t giving me the affection I need.   The different people that shared this with us, all summed up “I’m being treated like crap!”   But “being treated like crap” is pretty relative, because the reasons and actual situations are very different, and the meaning...

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How To Get Your Partner To Open Up

How To Get Your Partner To Open Up

It’s difficult to connect, or solve an issue, when there’s pieces of information missing. Many couples feel issues are unresolved after making up, and the reason could be because someone’s or both person’s needs weren’t the focus—or even mentioned. There are many reasons why someone doesn’t share their vulnerabilities. Here are examples of what might be going through their mind: —There’s no point. No one’s listening. —I’ll be judged or later it will be used against me. —It’s going to start another argument. —I don’t want to be seen as weak or insecure. —I’ll just hear I’m overreacting. —They won’t understand. —As soon as I open my mouth, I’ll be hearing how I should feel instead. —What if they tell their friends all my business?!? Even us “sharers” can relate to some witholding for these reasons. Before we jump in on how to get your partner to open up,...

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How to Revive a Dead Relationship… In Minutes

How to Revive a Dead Relationship… In Minutes

Sometimes the simplest things are the ones that produce more value. When we overcomplicate our lives we succeed in feeling overwhelmed and that won’t necessarily spark any fresh adventure, passionate connection, or relaxing massages on a sunny beach.   I do have one big question for you. How do you feel alive? Speaking in general terms, how do you feel alive in life? What do you like to do that lifts your mood? What are things that make you feel happy? Within any relationship, we first must make ourselves happy before we can search happiness within a romantic relationship. But let’s dive into what will make a relationship come alive, when you know how to make yourself happy—these only take a few minutes to do. 1. Celebrate Good News Genuinely, No Matter How Small.  Scientists have revealed the secret to building strong relationships, not just with your partner. The...

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