How to be supportive and show you care

How do you show you care? Is it with simple gestures, a small gift, or picking up the phone every time your partner calls? To be considered dependable, a source of support, and someone to trust, you’re probably already offering all these things—or almost all of them. Relationship science has found 5 behaviors that show you care in any relationship (with your partner, your friends, your relatives, your children, etc.).   Respect As Frei & Shaver found in their research, a partner worthy of respect is someone who possesses moral qualities, consideration for others, acceptance of others, honesty, and willingness to listen to others.   Trust Relationship science says we trust those who we confidently believe to have our best interests at heart. Although this takes time, it happens when someone is consistently attentive to our wishes and is reliably unselfish towards our needs.   Capitalization A good friend will be excited for us when we share our good news. It’s more celebratory than the usual “congratulations” from a co-worker or your facebook friends scrolling past your good news. Someone who cares about us will show genuine delight at our good fortune.   Social Support Emotional support: affectionate, acceptance,......

Read More


Are you lovable?

Are you lovable?

“Are you lovable?” That is what the therapist asked when a wife was complaining about her husband in a group class. We weren’t there undercover as a distressed couple, but for volunteer training.  He then mentioned the time he told his wife he loved her, but wasn’t IN love with her. He said she responded with a confident smile and said, “we’ll see about that.” He confessed it was very attractive. It made us think: if you are consistently spewing toxic waste from your mouth and behavior how does that promote a loving relationship between two people? What would you say if a stranger were to ask you: “are you lovable?” Of course, we all say YES if we were to be asked this. And then we might pause and hope lovable doesn’t mean perfect. Sure, we might give a little shrug about our mistakes, but conclude, we are one...

Read More

3 behaviors that frighten love away, based on relationship science

3 behaviors that frighten love away, based on relationship science

If you feel pushed away, ya might want to send this link to your partner to drop a hint. Or if you feel frustrated or distant  this may explain why. As for the lovebirds, this blog helps you confirm what you’re doing right. But for everyone this is mainly to learn how to avoid the very things that frighten love away.  It can be terrifying to enter a relationship in hopes it ends well. As you know, starting a relationship requires a lot of risk. Of course, you earn trust with time, but you do have to take risks along the way and test to see if this is a relationship you want to continue, or if this person is right for you as a spouse. We’re baffled when it doesn’t work out, or we assume we know exactly the reason and avoid that in the next relationship to...

Read More

How fast should a relationship problem be fixed?

How fast should a relationship problem be fixed?

How fast should a relationship problem be fixed? How long should it take to solve a problem between a couple? Or, when going through a rough patch, how fast should your relationship recover? It’s 3am and nothing is resolved. Your tired. Angry. Possibly hungry. Your mouth is now dry. And you’re probably raging inside feeling unloved or so sick of staying up you can’t hold your head up and just want to be left alone. Now, logically, it depends how big or small your problem is. If it’s tiny, like a 1, on a scale of 0-10 (0 being not bothered, and 10 being the worst thing that could happen in your relationship), then 1 is an easy problem to fix. You’ve probably already figured out a way to solve it by the end of this sentence. But if it’s more than a 3, you might be thinking, “How do...

Read More

Do I Expect Too Much From My Partner?

Do I Expect Too Much From My Partner?

At some point in our relationship we ask ourselves: Do I expect too much from my partner? We all wish to have a manual clearly saying what is asking for too much and what is reasonable. There are things you should and shouldn’t expect from your partner. And it’s vital to know the difference; because it can really raise the bar in your relationship and happiness, or deplete whatever love or joy is left.   First, answer this: are the following myths or truths? —You shouldn’t expect your partner to be your friend. —You shouldn’t expect passion in your relationship if you have a friendship. —Your relationship/marriage is not a place to self-actualize or become the person you want to be. You may have read some articles, especially recently, saying one of these or some sort of combination of these statements. The message is that “enough is never enough,” and...

Read More

Are you too passive?

Are you too passive?

How do you know if you’re too passive? Whether you avoid rocking the boat or are tired of bringing up an issue because of a stubborn partner, it’s fair that there are issues you try to roll off your shoulders—in hopes they will go away on their own or time will resolve them. But if you aren’t passive, what’s the alternative? Passive aggressiveness? Nagging? Vicious arguments? How can you tactfully stand up for yourself, get your needs met, be assertive, and still be respectful? In today’s video I share what it takes. It sounds straightforward, because it is—you don’t need extra bells and whistles to say what you need. But you may be asking yourself: why does it matter? “Why should I care to be less passive?” The most obvious reasons are: • You’re partner doesn’t have a clue of what’s bothering you, therefore will most likely do it...

Read More

What You're Really Saying When Upset

What You’re Really Saying When Upset

Has your partner been good at guessing what you’re really saying when upset, even though you may be saying or implying something different—or not as specific?     It’s true. We all hear ourselves saying something fair and reasonable, when we could be saying it better. And our partner could just be hearing an attack in a foreign language, that will trigger them to be defensive. Who in the world wants to be corrected? A simple outburst, puts us on the defense. This is our moment to stand up for ourselves, making up for all those times we didn’t. Then again, there are those times that an issue goes ignored, and an outburst, or cry for help in colorful language gets your partner’s attention and they respond, “I didn’t realize it was such a big issue for you. Now that I know, I want to do something about it.”...

Read More

Page 1 of 712345...Last »