“Are you lovable?” That is what the therapist asked when a wife was complaining about her husband in a group class. We weren’t there undercover as a distressed couple, but for volunteer training. He then mentioned the time he told his wife he loved her, but wasn’t IN love with her. He said she responded with a confident smile and said, “we’ll see about that.” He confessed it was very attractive. It made us think: if you are consistently spewing toxic waste from your mouth and behavior how does that promote a loving relationship between two people? What would you say if a stranger were to ask you: “are you lovable?” Of course, we all say YES if we were to be asked this. And then we might pause and hope lovable doesn’t mean perfect. Sure, we might give a little shrug about our mistakes, but conclude, we are one of the most lovable people on earth. “No one is as lovable as me!” we exclaim. And as a lovable person, we might have complaints—because we are SO DARN LOVABLE—about anything unfair. We have to point out when our partner isn’t meeting their end of the deal. It’s not like......
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